I am puke
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
