my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Someone came in the potted fern
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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