i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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