This dress was meant to end up on your floor
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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