No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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