If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
