I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You can't motorboat a personality
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
