I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
