She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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