My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
