He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
