took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
