Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
