Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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