Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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