they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
