ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
