So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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