I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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