i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
