i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize