Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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