I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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