Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
