Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
