I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
