You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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