What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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