When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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