ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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