i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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