I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
