I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I party with great urgency now.
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