just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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