i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
