Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
