u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
