Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
