The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize