i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
