he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
