btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
