they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
