I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
