Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize