I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
where are my eyebrows?
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