allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
this boner is exhausting
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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