In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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