i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
