Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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