Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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