omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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