I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We have started to decorate penises.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
