somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
