im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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