I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize