Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
