Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
