My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
