I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
