On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
