My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
