Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
