Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
