having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
