yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That accounts for only three of the penises
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
