Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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