Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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