When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
