Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
