We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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