I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
