He uses pillows to masturbate.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
