It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize