Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
