I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
