my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
