I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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