I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
